Friday, November 2, 2012

Back to the old "GRIND"

Friday, November 2, 2012
This week has been so very long and tiring and i will go ahead and say it has been the week from well... you know where! I went back to work on Monday and since then, I have slept maybe 20 hours and have been physically and emotionally exhausted.
My nearly 5 month only who has been sleeping through the night for quite some time is deciding he needs to wake up on and off in the middle of the night and as soon as I am ready to walk out the door. I think it is going to take Luke a little while to get used to both Mommy and Daddy working and him spending the day with Gigi Jackie. Fortunately he has had great days while with Jackie but I can just tell his routine is messed up and it is going to take him a little while to adjust. On Monday and Tuesday he barely napped at all. Luckily yesterday, Thursday, he was able to nap for about an 1.5 hours. This helped alot and I know his sleeping schedule will continue to improve as he adjusts to his new daily routine.
Natalie has been acting and behaving fine but she is still dealing with "Clowns"  It all started at the AWANA back to school party where a clown was making balloon animals. One of the balloons popped and due to Natalie's sensitive ears she got really frightened and now associates that loud scary noise with clowns. Every night she says "No clowns", in fact she says this multiple times a day! When we say our nightly prayers she asks God to protect her from the clowns and says a memory verse that helps her remember God protects us! I am glad she is praying and turning to God for help and protection. I just don't know how to help her get over this fear. In fact, we did not even go to our church's Fall Festival because we knew there would be a clown there and it was going to be the exact same clown that scared her in the first place so we did not take any chances.
On Monday when I finally got back to work after 11 weeks off, SO MUCH had changed that the day itself was OVERWHELMING! In fact there were NUMEROUS times during the day that I just wanted to pack up my things and NEVER COME BACK! I was so very discouraged and upset. Now keep in mind that my emotions were running SKY HIGH due to having to leave the baby and a laundry list of other things but I was so very upset and discouraged at the end of the day!
I remember when I returned from Maternity leave with Natalie my band classes were a TOTAL mess and the kids were out of control and had BARELY learned ANYTHING! It practically took me the rest of the semester to clean up the mess that was made. This time around, my kids were great and under control. In fact, since there was a substitute, my classes were reading music and learning from a music textbook which I usually do not use since it is so basic and boring. A lot of my kids came to me this week and told me they actually LIKED the textbook. I am going to use these books more often now that I know they like them.
It wasn't my kids that had me discouraged but all the "Behind the scenes" and "Paperwork" stuff. I now know that we have faculty meetings EVERY Monday for 1.5 to 2 hours after school. Alot of this has to do with the TEA score we received last year as a campus. This is so frustrating because I got into this level of music teaching to avoid after school duties and hours. I just got so upset thinking to myself "If I am going to be at work til 5... I might as well be doing what I LOVE... TEACHING BAND". All day on Monday this was my attitude. I kept thinking "I have a Master's degree and I am teaching word for word out of the book. They seriously DO NOT NEED ME! The average Joe could do this job! In fact, the AVERAGE JOE did do this job while I was gone! I just want to go home and hold my baby!" I feel so under-used and under-appreciated! This makes me so sad!
The week got better with each passing day but even today I feel like I should be doing so much more with my career. I know I have to hold on and endure this "TEST OF FAITH" for another 7-8 months until June 1! I am very grateful to God for giving me this job and opportunity!
I have a passion for teaching and a passion for music... but right now all I can think about it my beautiful kiddos and how much I miss them! I know over the next few weeks, I will get back into the "Grind" and "Routine" and my feelings will change... Patience!
God is good... ALL THE TIME!

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