Wednesday, January 11, 2012

All It Takes is One

I have been struggling lately with not only my job but more importantly my attitude about my job. The school, location and actual work of the job are fine and very doable. In fact this is the easiest and least time consuming job I have ever had. There are no band contests and tryouts on Saturdays or late in the evenings. There are not after-school rehearsals or sectionals. I basically just have to be at school from 7am to 3pm. I don't like having to get up so early to commute and get there before the HORRIFIC Houston traffic but the hours are GREAT. We don't have lots of meetings after school and as of right now, I don't have any real after-school activities and this allows me to get home and be with my family!

The part I DON'T like about this job is the overall teaching position. I have taught elementary music my whole career it has just been in the background of my band teaching jobs. I have ALWAYS had band in the forefront of my find and during my previous two positions, BAND has been the important part of the job. When I attend conventions and workshops, they are not about elementary music but rather band. As most of you know my career goal and dream has been to teach band at the collegiate level someday. Of course, I have only taught in an extremely small school and then 5 years of middle school band. I will never be able to get a collegiate band directing job with just these two experiences on the resume. I knew this and I had hoped to get a band directing job in Houston once we moved. GOD HAD OTHER PLANS! As I mentioned above, everything besides the "elementary" part of my job is PERFECT. I just don't like to get up and go to work. I have NEVER felt like this in my career. It makes me sad.

So I wrote a post last week about my struggles with continuing to teach or to get out of the education field for a few years to be at home with Natalie and the new baby. I am still thinking and more important praying about this and seeking God's face in this area of my life but today I was reminded of God's grace and love.

This week has already been crazy in my classes and I feel as if we have not accomplished anything and we have been back tracking (Sound like January to any other teachers? Hahaha!!). In some cases I have 40+ kids at a time in my class trying to play instruments together to sound like something other than complete chaos or tyring to NOT BREAK the instruments. I went home yesterday just wondering if it is my teaching, these kids and school/ situation or what. I was very depressed thinking about it.

I woke up this morning to check my facebook and I had received a message from a past student of mine from Grove. She is now in high school and playing in band. She had ALWAYS been a wonderful musician and student and I knew she was going to well in band and school/ life in general. She was just THAT TYPE of kid. She told me she was going to "Brag" about her accomplishments in High School band. She went on for a while in this message telling me specific examples of her chair placements, All-Region auditions and other accomplishments from this school year. I smiled the whole time I read this message until I saw the sentence "All of this is because you taught me very well and all of this bragging is just to say Thank You." and then came the tears. This is a high school freshman who took the time to write me the message and thank me for my time I placed in her and her education! All at a moment of struggle and strife in my life and my teaching career and job. I sat there reading it in my car before I started the commute just balling my eyes out.

God showed me His grace and mercy through this 9th grade student and her message. I may not feel like I am making an impact or a difference in the lives of my students at this school right now and wonder why even keep going but I have to know all it takes is just one student's life to change to know I AM making a difference. This message is the fuel I needed to keep going. Thank you dear 9th grade student from Oklahoma.
This student has really touched me not just today but also many other times since leaving Grove and numerous times while at Grove. I thank God for allowing me to be the band director and teacher of this student. She will forever have a place in my heart.

All of this to say... When the going gets tough or you feel you just cant go on, HOLD ON!
"Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord". God will come and rescue you... you just have to be patient and keep the Faith!

God is Good... All the Time!

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