Saturday, October 1, 2011

The Grass is ALWAYS Greener

For as long as I can remember I have wanted to move back to Texas and teach band. After graduating from high school I went on to attend OU and get my Music Education degree and teach band. I got a job at Bowlegs Public School as the K-12 music and band teacher. It was a hard job and I did not like it. I remember in early October calling my High School band director and wanting to quit. Luckily, he talked me out of it. I struggled the whole year but I was engaged to be married and I had something to occupy my time. After leaving that job and taking the job at Shawnee, I discovered that I learned alot from Bowlegs and should have cared more and given more of myself to that school and its students.

After that, I got a job teaching K-8 music and band at Grove in Shawnee. I liked it alot the entire time I was there. I knew it was a "dream" type of a job and even thought I always dreamt of moving back to Texas and teaching band I knew I would not be able to find a job quite like Grove ever again.

In October 2009 when Chris was laid off from his job I could see my dream drifting away. About 20 months later, after he had changed careers, he got a teaching job in Texas. I thought the mother ship was calling me home. The moment I had been dreaming of was finally here. I was going to teach band in Texas and start my wonderful dreamed of career path. All of the sudden the brakes are thrown on...Well Chris' job is a 9th grade Math job and a baseball coach. As soon as he decided to take that path and that particular job I realized for the sake of our family and everyone involved in this situation (ie. his parents too since they are who we are living with and they are taking care of Natalie), I should look for a less time-consuming job. I also thought a less time-consuming job would also allow Chris and I to continue our family and get Natalie a little playmate which is about perfect timing for our "family plan" anyway. That is when I rerouted my search towards Elementary music. I got the K-5 Music job at in Spring and I am very excited about it but I now wonder if I will ever be able to get back into band.

So here I sit with a job I LIKE but not love. I don't have my own house or anything that goes along with it. All of my belongings are in a garage and collecting dust. I don't see my husband very often and when we do we both (meaning ME TOO!!!) are tired and irritable. Oh and just like last time... still no playmate. It is like I cannot win for losing. I miss Shawnee... I miss Grove... I miss my old life. This just proves the old saying "The Grass is always greener on the other side".

But mom ALWAYS told me to "bloom where you are planted". Chris and I have planted ourselves down here and I am going to try to make the best of it. This coming week I am trying a new path in my music classes and hopefully they will settle down and get under control. I am also going to teach recorders this week which I never did at Grove but I figure they are the closest thing to band. I am also going to join the church we have been attending the past few months this Sunday. This is something I know Chris wants to do and I think it will be good for us. Overall, I am going to try to make the best out of this situation. I guess I just needed a pity-party. We are all allowed a few of these sometimes right?!?!?

Thanks for understanding...

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